1.
Do not lie
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The first principle is not to lie. Many parents, in an attempt to protect their children from the worst, lie to their children about the real reasons for the consequences. This often happens when a third party is involved in the whole process. However, the child is not stupid and will know the truth soon enough. So, as painful as it is, try to calmly tell the child the truth without unnecessary emotion. Doesn\’t it hurt? If you lie and your offspring find out, they will only be confused and will not know what to believe in what you are saying.
2. Be specific
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The biggest fear many children have about divorce is that they will never know the truth. Sometimes they lie, but mostly it is existential uncertainty. By the time you tell your children that you want to leave them, they will already have a concrete plan in their heads. Who will they live with, how often will they see their other parent, what will change, etc. Also, give the children plenty of space to ask any questions they are interested in. If you make arrangements with your spouse ahead of time, the children will not have to go to court. However, be prepared for questions the children might ask if that should happen.
3. The court will not decide for you
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The courts are not there to settle disagreements for you. Therefore, you should not rely on the judge to decide what you should do with your life, much less the lives of your children. The court only formally grants a divorce, which is merely a piece of paper. Certainly the court has the power to order what to do with custody of the children afterwards, but that really should be a last resort if all else fails. This is because if you let the court decide everything, the child will inevitably feel like some sort of responsibility, another item on the list that must be decided, just like the car, the TV, the cat, or the house.
